The Effects of Body Shaming on Intuition

I have been thinking a lot about body shaming and the detrimental effects it has on our being.

In the past years, I have been working actively to tune into my intuition, my instinctive, physical knowing. In this process, I have discovered that I do not listen to my body. Again and again, I would get that sparkle of intuition or feeling in the pit of my stomach, ignore it, and it would turn out in the end that I should have listened. My body already knew I didn't want to go on that date or take that meeting. My body was telling me that I needed to take a break, be alone, or spend more time in nature.

After some inquiry, I began to discover this belief that my body is wrong; that I should overcome these feelings as opposed to heed them. If our body is an instrument for living, and yet it remains out of tune because we do not listen to it, how are we supposed to participate in the great symphony of life?

These observations began to tie back into the culture of body shaming. This narrative that we need to look a certain way, be a certain way, and only feel certain ways to be accepted has cut us off from ourselves. By being so concerned with how we "should" be, we lose who we authentically are.

We know that body-shaming erodes self-worth and harbors an insidious self-loathing, taking root day by day as we continue to believe these negative thought patterns. But how does it develop? Why is it so pervasive in our society?

We have all experienced the effects of body-shaming. In today's culture, it is hard to avoid. Some times it comes from outside of ourselves; partners, family members, and so-called friends. These thoughts nest inside us. Then when we consume media and advertisements, we feel the need to compare ourselves with an external, erroneous standard of perfection.

These patterns of comparison and the deep-seated belief that "we are wrong" that we should somehow "be different" are ancient, and much like any form of trauma, are passed down from generation to generation. The cycle is broken by an individual choosing to step out of the pattern. Just as we learn these habits, they can also be unlearned.

What is the remedy? Radical Self-love. Even as I type the words, a defeatist attitude rises in me saying, "Well, if I knew how to do that, there wouldn't be a problem. How am I supposed to learn to love myself?" Self-love is something that throughout my life has seemed like an elusive holy grail. I was always searching and never quite finding it. In all this searching, I have discovered that self-love is a practice, not something to be won and kept as a trophy. Just as we need to nurture our relationships, we need to fill our own cup first and offer that care and attention to ourselves.

Here are a few great places to start…

1) Listen

If your loved one faces a difficult situation, is upset, and going on a tirade, would you tell them to shut up? I should hope not! Can you extend the same courtesy to yourself? Just listen. Let yourself feel how you feel. It doesn't mean you need to believe every thought that comes through your mind, but can you allow the feelings without needing to attach them to a story? Just listen to your body with loving acceptance. Perhaps your mind is on a self-loathing tirade, but your body is feeling something else.

2) Inquire

What are these thoughts? Are they really true? Where do they originate? What effect are they having on my body? You may begin to notice that negative thoughts about yourself inflict direct harm. These negative thought patterns perpetuate these circumstances and events like groves on a record, causing a vicious cycle.

3) Step out

Once we begin to identify self-deprecating thoughts, we are already less under their control. We see how these thoughts make us feel and decide that we are not going to feed ourselves such toxicity, just as you would only feed a child healthy and nutritious food. If you hear a child speak of themselves in a destructive manner, you would step in and encourage that child in all of the ways they are wonderful, talented, and unique. What if we were to consider parenting ourselves with the same generous heart?

I am going to give you an example of something that I am personally struggling with in the hopes that you can put this process into effect in concrete, constructive, and creative ways. I have been struggling with feelings around cellulite on my thighs. It torments me to see this puckering of my skin, but what torments we more than the physical manifestation of my body, is the abusive voice berating me about it! When I take a breath and begin to listen to these thoughts as opposed to believing them, I realize they are not my words. These are the words of my ex-husband. When I then turn my attention to listening to my body, there is a world of swirling emotions. I feel a rage that could tear down castles and a sadness that could drown cities. There is so much blocked feeling. And these blocked feelings, blocked energy flow, is precisely what can cause the physical manifestation of cellulite! Exactly the vicious circle I spoke of earlier.

Now, instead of believing these thoughts, I let my body release all of those emotions in any way she desires. Maybe she wants to scream, run, dance, write, or paint to process those feeling through and out.

Suddenly, I can make more positive choices for my life. I can change my diet and exercise routine. I can engage in activities that bring me joy and contribute to healthy living. Just by being a bit kinder to myself, protecting myself, nurturing myself, I step out of those cycles and patterns of abuse and into the life that I desire to create for myself, day by day, moment by moment.

What are some ways you can be kinder to yourself today?