The Art of Grief:
A Cross Cultural Examination of the Therapeutic Effects of Mourning Rituals.
The broad and diverse cultural understandings of death influence how people grieve, and although death is an inherently unifying factor of life, the spectrums of meaning and emotions are vast, and the bereft often speak to feeling isolated and alone in the wake of a lost loved one. Different cultures across the globe have all found their way of coping with and moving through the tempestuous waves that come with mourning, but in the United States, we observe emotional stoicism and a lack of communal expressions of grief and mourning. Historically, religion created systems and symbols of mourning to which families and communities could adhere, but in the modern age of ever-increasing secularism, many are left on their own to discover effective rituals and practices for processing loss. By examining and cross-referencing mourning ceremonies in modern and ancient Christianity, the Meru of Northern Tanzania, the Andaman Islanders, and the Ilongot of the Philippines, we hope to uncover the underlying technologies and methods of processing grief and light new, effective pathways for personal and communal mourning.
As a capitalist and consumer-driven country, citizens of the United States are internationally infamous for always being on the go, having less time off, having fewer national holidays, and working long hours in stressful jobs. Culturally, we celebrate the “American Dream,” and many honorably work several jobs in order to pave a path for a better future for their children. The American Religious Identification Survey of 2008 states that twenty-four percent of Americans identify as “religiously unaffiliated,” and twenty-nine percent do not anticipate having a religious funeral (Burton. 2018). If Americans are consistently, singularly focused on creating a better life and moving away from traditional religious grieving rituals, are they also taking the time to step out of the momentum of their professional responsibilities and attend to processing their loss?
People suffering from the complexities of grief at the loss of a loved one in the United States address their issues in three primary ways; talking, reaching out to a community, and seeking bereavement counseling. Talking about loss creates a space where the bereaved are free to cry and not get stuck in their sadness. As painful as it is to feel these emotions, the pain will begin to dissipate if you allow yourself to express it. (Complicated Grief — Symptoms and Causes, 2021). Christianity and other religious organizations offer individuals a sense of belonging and even one-on-one counseling with a pastor. Still, particularly in Protestant communities, because the belief in an afterlife is so steadfast, collective and visceral expressions of grief are deemed by many to be inappropriate (Protestant Christianity: Periods of Mourning | ECondolence.Com, 2021).
Dr. Gabor Matè is a celebrated researcher on the effects of stress on the human body. Researchers at the U.S. National Institute of Health define stress as “a state of disharmony or threatened homeostasis” (Matè, 2012). Matè further clarifies that “ultimately all stressors represent the absence of something that the organism perceives as necessary for survival” and that for humans, the most significant stressors are emotional (2012). Through his research on the intersections of disease and biological stress response of emotional repression, Matè has discovered a clear correlation with many diseases, including cancer, autoimmune disease, ALS, and many more (Matè, 2011). It is easy to convey that the death of a loved one is one of the most potent stressors that a person will experience in their lifetime. Therefore the stress we go through during these tragic events needs to be effectively processed for the individual to return to a state of health and balance and avoid potentially fatal disease.
Native and aboriginal cultures tend towards the communal expression or performance of grief in their mourning rituals (Robben 2004). In Death, Mourning and Burial: A Cross-Cultural Reader, Robben observes occurring patterns of collective, dramatic, and primal expressions of sorrow, be it crying, singing, or wailing, which can even evolve into self-flagellation and the tearing of hair. These communal expressions of pain are always performed publicly to externally manifest the emotional pain felt in the physical body with visible signs of mourning specific to that culture (Robben, 2004). Comparing these practices with secular and modern religious traditions, we observe that cultural coding points grieving family and loved ones to emotional restraint and “staying strong.” This culture of repression also denies the complex landscape of loss, which typically we associate with deep sadness and longing, but also often includes rage, which can trigger feelings of guilt in the bereft. The lack of rituals and cultural performances to authentically process these experiences leave grievers adrift and isolated in their mourning. Although undoubtedly helpful and effective, working with a therapist or grief counselor lacks that sense of connection in their grief as they are processing these feelings one on one behind closed doors. Have our mourning practices become so sterile that they lack authenticity and efficacy?
Grief is a complex phenomenon and does not process through in the same way for each individual, relationship, culture, or loss. Studies show that in the United States, seven percent of bereaved people do not cope effectively with bereavement (Shear, 2012). These people are suffering from what modern medicine calls “complicated grief.” These cases often include the death of a spouse or the death of a child, considered the most challenging kind of loss, and leave the bereaved at elevated risk for depression, anxiety, and a range of physical illnesses for even ten years after the loss (Shear, 2012). Chronic stress is ubiquitous during the grieving process “and can lead to a variety of physical and emotional issues, such as depression, trouble sleeping, feelings of anger and bitterness, anxiety, loss of appetite, and general aches and pains” (Harvard Health 2021).
But the dangers of unprocessed loss can become much more significant if not attended to, especially in a society where overt emotional expressions are stigmatized and in a culture that instructs people from an early age to keep their emotions in check. Dr. Eric Bui is the Associate Director for Research at the Center for Anxiety and Traumatic Stress Disorders and Complicated Grief Program at Massachusetts General Hospital. He states that “Men may try to resist grief, but it’s important not to ignore these symptoms, as constant stress can put you at greater risk for a heart attack, stroke, and even death, especially in the first few months after losing someone” (Harvard Health 2021).
Renato Rosaldo and his wife Michelle Rosaldo lived with the Ilongot of Manila, Philippines, and conducted field research for thirty months between 1967 and 1974. Among the Ilongot, it is common that the men are compelled to headhunting in the face of great grief. The word they use to describe this call to decapitation is “liget,” and for years, the Rosaldos tried to wrap around the meaning of this word that does not directly translate in the English language. The closest translation might be “high voltage,” powerful energy running through and out of the body (Spiegel, 2017). In his research and attempt to understand this experience, Renato writes, “If you ask an older Ilongot man…why he cuts off human heads, his answer is brief… that rage, born of grief, impels him to kill his fellow human beings. He… needs a place to carry his anger. The act of severing and tossing away the victim’s head enables him to vent and, he hopes, throw away the anger of his bereavement.” (Robben, 2004)
It was not until many years later that Renato fully understood the meaning behind this statement. He assumed this was a type of exchange and that by taking another’s head, “one death would cancel the other” (Robbens, 2004). It was not until his own wife and fellow researcher, Michelle fell tragically to her death that Renato would fully come to understand the rage that Ilongots felt in their grief. On October 11th, 1981, while walking along a trail doing fieldwork among the Ifugos of Northern Luzon, Philippines, Michelle lost her footing, fell 65 feet, and plummeted into a roaring river. Once they had recovered her body, Renato said he finally understood the rage that the Ilongot people described as “liget.”
It is certainly notable that the word for this experience doesn’t even exist in the English language. How can we express a feeling when we cannot accurately articulate what that feeling is? Renato observes that “upper‐middle‐class Anglo‐American culture tends to ignore the rage devastating losses can bring. Paradoxically, this culture’s conventional wisdom usually denies the anger in grief at the same time that therapists encourage members of the invisible community of the bereaved to talk in detail about how angry their losses make them feel (Robbens. 2014).”
The Meru people of Northern Tanzania have extensive mourning practices that last for three to four days. Although the majority of the Meru population have been baptized and identify as Lutheran, many uphold their native mourning traditions, although lack of fiscal resources and the increased death toll due to the AIDS epidemic has caused many to have to cut funeral services back to one day, creating tensions and feelings guilt and shame around not properly honoring the deceased. Among the Meru people, the women are responsible for performing communal grieving. Because of their ability to give birth, they are believed to possess a more significant threshold of pain and suffering, while the men are expected to control their feelings of loss. Grieving beyond the three to four days of the funeral rites is believed to have adverse effects on the individuals’ health, and for this reason, the expressions of sorrow are intense and all-consuming. Women sway with their hands above their head, which leads to trembling, hyperventilation, and possibly a trance state. Women who are more distant to the deceased hold space for the more active grievers, ensuring they do not hurt themselves and offering soothing caresses to their chest, womb, and other body parts (Robben, 2004).
Radcliffe‐Brown observed that the Andaman Islanders perform weeping rites to express both joy and grief, which are performed collectively rather than individually. The Andamanese cry for the reunion of two friends, coming of age, marriage, and death. In their culture, physically embracing affirms the emotional attachment of two people and the community as a whole, while weeping, whether for joy or sorrow, provides relief from built‐up tensions (Robben, 2004). These weeping rituals are an expression of collective feeling as opposed to arising spontaneously from the individual. This emotional cohesion creates a sense of community. Individuals will express the grief of loss and weep their own tears of joy, but no one needs to cry alone in these rituals. They carry an innate understanding that the suffering of one is the suffering of all.
The funeral laments of rural Greece are performed by mainly older women who sing for funerals, memorial services, and exhumations. These women are not paid and are not even necessarily invited to attend these services but have experienced many deaths and perform these singing rites as a way of continuing to process the loss of their loved ones. Singing creates a vehicle and form in which the bereft can contain and transform overwhelming grief. For example, a widow wildly shouting and wailing over her husband’s dead body will be encouraged to put her feelings into song to prevent harming herself or revealing private family information (Robben, 2004). The early Roman Catholic Church adopted these traditions, which have their roots in Paganism. While these rituals are still performed in some parts of southern Italy and rural Greece, the Roman Catholic church has steered away from such performative funeral laments.
A report by the National Academy of Science concludes that “rituals such as the Roman Catholic wake and the Jewish custom of sitting shivah are increasingly important in modern society” and that “the old rituals…signal that the feelings of grief have their rightful place in life.” (Goleman, 1985). The Catholic Church has many rituals, including wake, funeral, and burial, that creates a space for loved ones to honor their dead. After this period, there are three different phases of mourning that vary in length depending on the relationship to the departed. “Heavy mourning” is the most intense mourning period in which mourners wear all black. In “half-mourning,” mourners are still expected to wear half-mourning in which white trim is considered acceptable. “Light mourning” is the final stage of mourning and includes soft colors, greys, mauves, and soft pastel colors and fabrics that may be patterned(Catholicism: Periods of Mourning | Grief | ECondolence.Com, 2021). Altering dress patterns can be symbolic and meaningful to an individual, but these expressions are an external representation of grief that is not embodied or expressed physically or vocally. Although these rituals have been practiced for generations, they do not resolve or exhume the complex emotional landscape that occurs after the death of a loved one. Are these rituals truly effective in authentically processing grief, or are they another example of trying to contain and control the wild mess of feelings evoked by the finality of death?
Research by Paula Clayton, a psychiatrist at the University of Minnesota, has found that self-hatred, apathy, and numbness are all common in normal grieving even though these manifestations are considered taboo in the United States (Goleman. 1985). Western doctors classify two types of grief: acute and persistent. Acute grief occurs in the first six to twelve months after a loss and gradually resolves. Persistent grief is classified as a mourning period that extends past twelve months (Harvard Health. 2021). John Bowlby’s “attachment theory” describes the process of mourning as “defensive exclusion.” He observed that our minds naturally swing between confronting and avoiding our grief. This process enables us to grieve a little at a time as opposed to trying to process it all at once. But the overuse of this protective measure can hinder our processing of grief and ability to adapt to the new reality of our loss (Shear. 2012). “Active Sympathy” is the customary sharing of joyful and painful emotions and is an integral part of forming close relationships and social ties. A collective feeling felt and expressed at the exact moment by many people is felt much more intensely than unshared emotional experiences. (Robben 2004). Active sympathy has the potential to expedite the grieving process and ensures the communication of challenging emotions. The practice of active sympathy is the missing cultural link in helping individuals move through persistent and complex grief in contemporary society.
Throughout the history of modernization, there is an observable trend towards denying the visceral pain of loss and transmuting it into more socially acceptable forms of ritual. As non-religious communities move towards more personalized practices that they feel reflect the life and essence of the deceased, there is an opportunity for the coming generations to step into the acceptance of the complete spectrum of loss. Excavating the essential embodiment of primary human truths has the power to produce better health outcomes by relieving pent-up stress and feelings of isolation. Active sympathy and public, collective lamenting strengthen the bonds of communities, families, and personal relationships. By courageously and vulnerably stepping into the pain of our shared humanity, we have the potential to relieve the suffering of the living as they grieve the loss of the dead.
References:
Burton, T. I. (2018, December 4). Dying — and mourning — in a secular age. Vox. https://www.vox.com/identities/2018/12/4/18078714/death-secular-age-funeral-end-of-life-reimagine
Catholicism: Periods of Mourning | Grief | eCondolence.com. (2021). E-Condolence. https://www.econdolence.com/learning-center/religion-and-culture/catholicism/catholicism-periods-of-mourning/
Complicated grief — Symptoms and causes. (2021, June 19). Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374
Goleman, D. (1985, May 2). Science- mourning: New studies affirm its benefits. New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/1985/02/05/science/mourning-new-studies-affirm-its-benefits.html
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Protestant Christianity: Periods of Mourning | eCondolence.com. (2021). Econdolence. https://www.econdolence.com/learning-center/religion-and-culture/protestant-christianity/protestant-christianity-periods-of-mourning/
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Shear, K. M. (2012, June 1). Grief and mourning gone awry: pathway and course of complicated grief. PubMed Central (PMC). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3384440/
SPIEGEL, A. (2017, January 6). Invisibilia: A Man Finds An Explosive Emotion Locked In A Word. NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/01/529876861/an-anthropologist-discovers-the-terrible-emotion-locked-in-a-word
The Art of Grief
